Silence

Late night is the absolute best time of the day in my opinion. The main reason for this is the peace it brings. While the world around me is asleep (leave alone the few night owls such as myself), I am able to finally think. Living in the dorms has allowed me to find a new appreciation for silence. So I sit here at night, just to be surrounded by the silence night brings me. It allows me to be in peace.

Sometimes however another feeling comes with the silence. That would be loneliness. I don't know why, but the silence also brings the feeling of utter isolation. This is one feeling that I cannot seem to ever cope with. The nights when this feeling creeps up are the paralyzing ones.

So then I take that risk. Every night. Silence and Peace or Silence and Loneliness. I chose to take the risk however, because it is difficult for me to find peace at any other time, but right now.

Today, will never be again.

So here is something I do not understand. When did my life become so complicated? To the point where I am excited when one day is over and irritated when another begins. This makes no sense to me. I mean, I have it all. Friends, family, an education, amazing health, food, a place to live, all the luxurious amenities I could ever want. Yet still I feel so....unhappy.

I'm not saying this in a depressing, I need help sort of way. I am saying this just to try and understand. Understand why I cannot wake up most mornings and be excited to start a new day. Its almost as though I am trapped in a routine. Trapped in doing things one way. School I believe has a lot to do with this. So many expectations, assignments, due dates, exams and meetings. It is overwhelming. Being busy has always been something that I enjoy...but this is not. To add to this, I do not even know what I am here for. They say that you learn about yourself in college, you learn about who you will be. Well since I have been here I have only confused myself. So here I am, double majoring in international business and finance with a Spanish minor, and I have no clue why.

There is one thing I do know however, one thing that has been cleared up for me through this whole college experience. Whatever I end up doing in my life, I want it to mean something. I do not want to be stuck in an office, spending my life working for a business that wont even remember me when I leave. I want to help people. I want to make a difference in someones life.

I do not know how, or when, or where. But this is my one request for my future. Because I know, however unhappy I am, the reasons that I am not joyful are reasons within my grasp, they are changeable. Yet there are people in this world who are not just unhappy, they are suffering due to issues beyond their own grasp. So no matter where this journey through life takes me, my one request for it is to allow me to stop, and help someone whose journey has not been as easy as mine has been. And hopefully, by doing that I can make a small difference in this seemingly large and unchangeable world.

First Time

Hello to the no one that is reading this right now,

So, due to my inability to sleep, I have decided to start a blog. This is something that I have told myself countless times I would never do, yet here I am. Being someone who isn't too open, we will see how long this lasts. Maybe this will be a way for me to get some thoughts out of my head and into the world. Who knows...

So for now, I will call this my first entry and be proud of it.