So here is something I do not understand. When did my life become so complicated? To the point where I am excited when one day is over and irritated when another begins. This makes no sense to me. I mean, I have it all. Friends, family, an education, amazing health, food, a place to live, all the luxurious amenities I could ever want. Yet still I feel so....unhappy.
I'm not saying this in a depressing, I need help sort of way. I am saying this just to try and understand. Understand why I cannot wake up most mornings and be excited to start a new day. Its almost as though I am trapped in a routine. Trapped in doing things one way. School I believe has a lot to do with this. So many expectations, assignments, due dates, exams and meetings. It is overwhelming. Being busy has always been something that I enjoy...but this is not. To add to this, I do not even know what I am here for. They say that you learn about yourself in college, you learn about who you will be. Well since I have been here I have only confused myself. So here I am, double majoring in international business and finance with a Spanish minor, and I have no clue why.
There is one thing I do know however, one thing that has been cleared up for me through this whole college experience. Whatever I end up doing in my life, I want it to mean something. I do not want to be stuck in an office, spending my life working for a business that wont even remember me when I leave. I want to help people. I want to make a difference in someones life.
I do not know how, or when, or where. But this is my one request for my future. Because I know, however unhappy I am, the reasons that I am not joyful are reasons within my grasp, they are changeable. Yet there are people in this world who are not just unhappy, they are suffering due to issues beyond their own grasp. So no matter where this journey through life takes me, my one request for it is to allow me to stop, and help someone whose journey has not been as easy as mine has been. And hopefully, by doing that I can make a small difference in this seemingly large and unchangeable world.
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I think you are beautiful and your heart, is beautiful. I am sorry that you are not happy my dear. I don't want to pass on advice, because this is not what you are blogging for. However, I want to share one of the most valuable lessons I have learned while being abroad and away from friends and family who offer me my happiness. It is this: happiness cannot be found or gained from a place, from people, or from an experience. Happiness is a decision and a choice that you must make everyday, in every experience. Happiness only comes from one place: inside yourself. Knowing this is the only way I've made it through these past 7 months and the only way I'll be able to make it through the rest of my life! Haha no matter where I am or how uncomfortable and lonely I feel there I know that I can be happy and that all I have to do is make the choice and find it inside myself (definitely easier said than done!)
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I love you dear and I can't wait to see you!!!