So here I am, working on homework, reading a pointless textbook and thinking of all of the time I have wasted today reading. I do not even feel like reading the Marketing textbook is going to benefit me in any way other than allow me to do well on my next test, which for some reason I am nervous for. Small things. So small. I feel like right now my life consists of so many small, pointless things that I get worked up about. This I do not like. I want to be able to look into my past and see great things, yet all I have right now is school, reading Marketing textbooks and hanging out with friends doing pointless things. I need out. Out of this routine. Out of it all. I need to do something beneficial with my life.

I join clubs, but they don't do much. Environmental Council doesn't really do anything. We sit there and discuss what other people and clubs are doing. Amnesty International...well that lasted 2 weeks and then that fell apart. Not enough people. But that was last year. So now I have a goal. Start up Amnesty International again. This would be such a fun thing to do I think. And then I would have something solid to work on. Something that will make the time I spent on it matter to someone other than me.

However I will be gone all of next fall. In Spain. Which is going to be an adventure in itself. Thank God. I am really hoping that Spain will be the jumpstart I need. I will be out of my comfort zone (hopefully, there are some who think I am just going to be put where I belong...naps, food all day, frickin awesome Spanish language and late nights?? Rock it.) and hopefully able to truly find myself. I have been on this "find myself" kick. Which is very difficult for me. I am all over the place and I move quickly.

Recently I have had a few interview for some summer jobs. Nothing special. 9-5 working on the computer supporting staff. Typical day-job. Which pisses me off. Since when have I ever wanted a typical day job?? Since never. Yet thats what my goal is and I have no idea why. Maybe, I tell myself, maybe this is what you need to do to start off...maybe you just need that beginning experience. I don't know. I hope so. Because in 10 years if I find myself working for the weekend I will be so disappointed in myself. In 10 years I better be doing something worth spending my time on. Because my time is precious. I only have so much of it and it is too precious to be wasted. Much too valuable.

Well, thanks for reading my modge-podge of thoughts that I needed to write down in order to get them out of my head. I guess I will be going back to my marketing book. Lovely night.